Question Everything, Believe Nothing

Ive deleted my facebook again. Tired of all the stupid drama and i realized how much time i waste on there when i could be using it to do something different or more productive. So i decided that im going to post on here a lot more often. Mostly how i feel about such things like my relationship with God. I know no one reads these so it should be a good place for me to talk to God and just kinda journal and write my feelings down.

Welp, here goes nothing.  

 :)

When i would run about this time last year, it was to you. Not physically but metaphorically. I would pretend that when i was running, at the end, i would end up closer to you. Closer to the time when we could finally be together. Thats what i wanted;to be with you. I was so caught up in running toward you, metaphorically and eventually physically, that i forgot who i was. I forgot what i stood for, who i lived for.

After fifteen months of running, when i finally ran far enough, you decided that you didnt want me. You decided you had other plans for your life, and that i didnt, wouldnt, and couldnt fit into them, and probably wouldnt for a long time or even ever.

Then i stopped running. I could hardly walk, yet alone run. When you run toward something for such a long time and once you feel like youre at the finish line and its swept away from you, you fall apart. Youre discouraged about how much longer you have to run, how much further will he want me to go?, what do i have to do to gain his approval?, can i keep running in hopes he’ll want me to stay around once he see’s im willing?…

I left the never ending marathons of i love yous,kisses, hugs, lets be together forever, i only want you, hold me forever, only be mine, forever and always. Then came the baby don’t do its, stay with me, don’t leave, we’ve been waiting for so long, you don’t know what you’re doing, baby please don’t go. Those ended quickly… 

You decided you were done. I wasnt though. Im a fighter, i wont just back down from what i want, or from something ive run toward for such a long time. I fought, so hard, hard enough that i thought you wouldve changed your mind. I was wrong though, you stayed away. So eventually i left, i haven’t run since.

Once a runner, always a runner. Thats what people keep telling me, i cant just quit, just because one stupid boy screwed me over. I have to keep running. So i tried tro run, but i felt like i had nothing to run to, nothing i wanted, nothing that i could physically or metaphorically run to. Then i found Him. 

I run to Him everyday, all day. He took his place. He filled that huge void in my heart, i’m complete in Him. He is my love, forever and always. He is my new i love You, my new forever, hold me, keep me safe and forever Yours, no one else’s. He is my everything. He is my finish line. 

Ive been looking at other people’s tumblrs for a while and now i guess ill try it out…just another thing to be addicted to. great..